"I think you might be pregnant."

One day as I was driving in the car with my best friend from high school, Tiffani,  I said to her, "Can we talk about my vagina for a minute, because it's being all types of weird." I went on to describe what had been happening to me the last week, extremely painful cramping, boobs aching more than normal, a general feeling of grossness, etc. I was convinced that I had angered my uterus and it had decided to pack up it's bags and leave via my vagina. I'm not one to go to the doctor but for the first time in a long time I knew that something wasn't normal. That's when Tiffani looked at me and said, "I think you might be pregnant." 

This was impossible to me for many reasons. First, I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and I'm not even suppose to be ovulating. I've been told since I was 17 that pregnancy was going to be difficult for me. Second, even if by chance I was ovulating my husband is out of town working for 28 days then he's only home for 13 days. By my estimates, he's only home when I'm fertile about 4 times a year. Third, I was in nursing school and ain't nobody got time for no babies in nursing school. (I know that last one wasn't a reason for why I couldn't be pregnant but it helped me stay in denial for a while).

I decided to take a pregnancy test the next day. I'm cheap so I bought the most basic one they had. This is my first time ever taking a pregnancy test and those things are pretty tricky. Let's just say I peed on that first one like a dog on a fire hydrant. I mean I got that thing wet from tip to tip. Needless to say it doesn't work like that and it was trash. I had one more shot but I had just used up all my good pee on the first one. I drank glass after glass of water and waited. The second time, I got wise to the game and peed in a solo cup then put the test in the cup. Worked like a charm! I set it on the counter and went to doing something else for about another 30 minutes. In my mind, I was only taking the test to prove I wasn't pregnant not because I actually thought I was.

When I went back I was shocked to find this: 

I quickly called Tiffani in a panic. "What do I do? It looks like two lines but maybe I'm crazy and it's not." She told me to go get a digital pregnancy test that says "Pregnant of Not". I ran to the Walgreens and in my hysteria bought $70 worth of pregnancy test. One way or another I was going to be sure. The second time around there was no denying it. I was definitely pregnant. 

I told no one but Tiffani and my mom. I didn't want to tell my husband on the phone and just a few days before finding out he told me that he would have to cover for someone who got fired and work 8 weeks straight. I made an appointment with a midwife but I would still have to wait another 3.5 weeks. 

During this time the cramps continued. I found out on a pregnancy forum that this wasn't uncommon and it was just my uterus stretching. I had decided that either I had the world's smallest uterus or I was having octuplets. The typical nausea, vomiting, and fatigue set in. The good news is I lost 10lbs but the bad news was things were getting more difficult because I was going to school and I had just started my preceptorship. Thankful no one asked about my frequent trips to the bathroom. 

Because my cramping was so bad and I couldn't be seen for a few weeks I was told that if anything got worse to go to the emergency room. One day, I almost went to the emergency room for what I later diagnosed was "Too Tight Pants Syndrome". The day started out at home in my pajamas studying for a test. When I got ready I decided to wear my jeans. These jeans weren't tight by any means but they were restrictive in the stomach. I put them on, grabbed something to eat, and got in my car. The entire 20 minute car ride I went from feeling bad to worse. I knew that something was wrong and I was worried I needed to skip my test and go to the hospital. When I got to school I sat in my car to gain my composure. I was in tremendous pain and I was beginning to sweat. I don't know what it was, perhaps an angel of the Lord, but something told me to unbutton my pants. I did and the relief came immediately. I was so embarrassed. I mean how horrible would that have been if I would have went to the hospital and they would have been like, "Hey Chubs, get some new pants." I was determine that would never happen to me again. That day I went home and ordered 9 maternity dresses from Target.com. Best decision I've made thus far. 

I feel like this post is long enough but stay tune for next time when I talk about "My First Ultrasound" or what I sometime refer to it as "My Free Colonoscopy".